How To Be The Best Gym Goer

This month I have been trading shopping for working out, oh and I also found this addicting app Running With Friends. But that is besides the point.

I have been observing some really 'great' gym techniques with all of my people watching. So today I am here to pass on a few lovely nuggets of 'How To Be The Best Gym Goer' in a room full of amateurs.

ONE.  When you get on a cardio machine set yourself up and then go ahead and start making phone calls. Really you are doing two activities at once: moving at a snails pace and having a conversation, so you must be burning more calories then the rest of those amateurs. 

TWO.  Gather as many free weights as possible and surround yourself with them. Screw all those amateurs they can just wait until your done with your workout buffet. Oh and leave them there when you are done, putting them back on the racks is for the peasants that work there.

THREE.  Wear whatever you want to workout. Jeans, sandals, booty shorts, no shorts bra, it really doesn't matter you are the king/queen of the gym and its your domain so safe/respectable dress code be damned. Workout clothes are for amateurs. 

FOUR.  Jump on a machine and put it at maximum speed for a few minutes and then jump off and move on to another machine. DO NOT WIPE IT OFF. This will just let your heartbeat rest for a second and we can't have that. AND you will be back to that machine at any other point during your four hour workout. Remember these are your machines, you just let the amateurs use them occasionally. 

FIVE. Say hello and shake hands with as many fellow gym goers as possible. If its been a day since you have last seen them you should have a 20 minute conversation in front of a machine or better yet while one person is using the machine. The amateurs can just wait to use the machine or walk in that area until your social time is complete, you burn more calories when you stand and talk. 

SIX.  Grunt, moan and sing your song lyrics as loudly as possible. You are putting on a show for those amateurs and every good show needs some sound effects.

SEVEN.  Bring your significant other to the gym and then move around the gym like you are conjoined at the hips. Repeat each other's moves and stretch at the same time and in the same position. If possible you should kiss after each rep. Keep your significant other close you don't want no amateur stealing them. 

And finally EIGHT. After your workout is complete go ahead and post your stats on facebook so everyone knows that your title of GYM King/Queen is still in tact. And no post is complete without a few pictures or videos of your shoes/treadmill or weights. The amateurs need to be shown who the best gym goer really is.

Please note that doing any of these eight items will in fact not make The Best Gym Goer but make you look like a complete and utter fool/douche bag.

And since I don't mind looking like a fool sometimes, here is my progress on my 30 miles in 30 days challenge. 

05/13 - 1.85 miles on the stair master and 1.18 miles on the elliptical

05/16 - 2.27 miles on stair master

05/17 - .51 miles on elliptical and weight training

05/19 - 1.93 miles on stair master and 2.01 miles on elliptical and ab workout.

05/22 - 1.90 miles stair master 
05/24 - 2.62 miles on stair master

Combined with my workout last two weeks I am already up to 30.09 miles this month. Woot! Woot!

- The Babbling Box!