This weekend Mr. B and I went to a concert: H2O, New Found Glory and Alkaline Trio, not exactly my cup of tea but I love concerts so a good time was had. Mr. B and I are a concert couple, some couples like going to the movies or out to dinner but for us nothing says 'us' like a little bar food and live music.
As I was enjoying the show/people watching I saw a young girl crowd surfing in very little clothing. Especially considering it had been in the 30's all day outside. Just having that thought pass through my brain made me feel old.
My next thought was I wonder how many people had grabbed a feel of her ass or boobs as she passed through the crowd. Another one of those thoughts that makes you feel too old.
And then it hit me, I was that girl once. Eight or so years ago.
Maybe I wasn't crowd surfing but I certainly turned as many bar tops on sixth street into my stages, classy. I wore dangerously short dresses with heels because I knew a guy would notice. If a shirt showed my boobs I made sure to wear a colorful bra just to increase the chances of a guy hitting on me.
For me it was a game: get
sexed dressed up, go out, put on a show and wait for the compliments to come rolling in. I loved the attention. And when I 'won' by getting a guy to get my number or buy me a drink...etc. I felt like a million bucks. But when I 'lost' I beat myself up internally, comparing myself to the hundreds of girls out doing the exact same thing I was.
Just your average night out!
Does the whole thing make me sound extremely shallow, probably. But the truth is I don't regret a minute of it because it allowed me to become exactly who I am right now, to truly be able to understand how to love myself but also desire and accept attention from the opposite sex with a bit more grace. And I had a hell of a lot of fun doing it.
As I was watching the girl get passed through the crowd I didn't envy her youth or the attention she was getting because I feel so comfortable in my own skin right now and I wouldn't trade that feeling for any amount of youth. But that's me, that's the path I am on right now.
Adulthood is hard and there is no guidebook that says that every woman has to grow out of stages or experience stages at the exact same time. Thank goodness. But we (meaning woman) have such a tendency to make it harder by judging the girl next to us for the choices she is making. We label them 'whore' or 'attention seeking' and look down at them for not being 'as together' as we think they should be. And to me that sucks, we should be able to celebrate each other's confidence or ways of self expression but instead we pass judgement. We often times are so busy putting down or judging the woman around us that we forget how to love ourselves or just have fun. No wonder women look to men for attention or confidence boosters.
So what is my point here, not exactly sure but what's new. My hope though is that the next time I see a girl dancing on a bar or parading around in next to nothing that I can think: go her for having the confidence to live her life the way she wants to.
We all love attention and compliments and want to feel desired, some of us just go looking for it more than others at different points in our lives. How are we supposed to teach young girls to love themselves and embrace their individuality if we are constantly passing judgement of women who are doing the exact same thing, just in a way we currently wouldn't.
Saturday afternoon as I was walking into Target with three day old hair, no makeup and the clothes I lounged in the night before, looking classy. A man in the parking lot passed by, turned and gave me a double take, then turned his head back and said "mmm girl, if someone hasn't told you you are beautiful today you should go home and kick their ass."
Did I need to hear that, no, but I certainly had a little more pep in my step as I went about my weekend errands. And every woman deserves to hear a compliment as unique as that at least once in their life.
I guess its all about finding the balance between being able to channel my attention seeking desires and feeling comfortable in my own skin.
What is the most unique or odd compliment you have received?
At what point in your life did you 'grow' out of your attention seeking ways?
- The Babbling Box!